Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Road Less Traveled

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference
                                       Robert Frost

This is one of the few poems which I actually remember and like. It reminds me of the way my life has turned out to be. It's not always the off-beat choices which have had an impact. More often than not, when I had no clue what I wanted and let others decide for myself, those decisions turned out to be blunders and I had no one to blame but myself.

It would have been the best, if I could say that all the choices I made turned out great. The problem is I know where I am going wrong, still I let things happen coz it's boring to be a good girl always. I know when I am hurting the ones I love, when I am hurting myself..But when I am caught up in the moment I never really stop to think. It would have been so convenient if I made the same mistake always. Because then at least I will have the benefit of past experience.

It's great to have the freedom to take all my decisions. But then there is no one else to blame if things go wrong. And sometimes, I feel the need to dump this responsibility on someone else and not have to carry the burden all alone.

P.S. Hmmm, this post seems sooooooooo morose. Like I am on the verge of suicide/run away or something. No way, I love myself too much.Ohhhh, now I know why I sound like such a drag. Its these damn Banking documents that I am being forced to read. A half hour about nostro accounts, zero balancing,treasury,trade finance and blah blah blah is enough to give me nightmares for a week!!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I Am 16, Going On ...

16...that I am definitely not anymore. In fact, almost a decade has passed since then. And anyways, I feel that it is just a hyped-up number.Wonder why other birthdays don't get this kind of attention. No wait, there's 13 when The Wonder Years begin (also known as The Torturous Years for the parents). 18, the legal adult age or for some an age when they can officially bring out the whisky bottles from their hidey-holes. And for guys at 21; if they haven't managed to get a girlfriend after school or college, they can get a girlfriend for life through their parents.

That's it. After that, every birthday becomes a reminder that you are nearing the dreaded age, the thirties!! As far as I am concerned, I have never bothered to hide my age. Last year, I couldn't remember my age at times, and thought that I had already turned 25. So this year, when I finally did cross 25, it was no big deal. Except for that one moment, where I freaked out, and tried to think of all that I have accomplished (the list was too small) , mentally compiled a list of my bloopers (sadly it was too long) and checked my head to reassure myself that I don't need to color my hair yet (Yeaaaahh!!.....touchwood). But later, better sense prevailed, and I reminded myself that I have so much to look forward to. Things are just getting started.

But there were some subtle and some not so subtle ways where other people reminded me of my age. The jokes about looking old were the most mundane. But this one took the cake, my voice sounded old! Now, I am pretty sure that I have not started rasping or wheezing. I didn't bother telling that person, that the male voice breaks after puberty. Does it mean that we should call 16 year olds uncles just because their voice has started sounding like their dad?? And then there are those friends who take great pride in having studied in the same class with me in school or college in spite of being born a year later. Like the timing of their conception and birth is some kind of achievement!!

I have a habit of tuning out comments (be it good or bad), it turns out to be a boon in situations like these. But it is quite hard not to snigger. Have I passed any such comment? Sure I have (I never said I was a saint). But not out of malice or with the intention of one-upping anyone. I wonder how I would feel about this five years from now. Would I still be able to brush it off as lightly as I do today? For now, I am just going to have my cake and eat it too!!

Friday, May 2, 2008

Dear Diary

It’s been a while since I picked up a pen and jotted down my thoughts. Having sat and stared at a computer screen for almost three years, I feel like I have forgotten how to wield a pen. And on the rare occasions that I do pick up a pen, my writing turns out to be sooo bad that I dropped the idea of starting a diary. (I think I must have been a doctor in my last birth and must have written hundreds of illegible prescriptions) So here I am, writing my first blog. It’s a bit difficult to gather my thoughts since my mind is soo cluttered nowadays. And since I can't put this blog under lock and key, I can't even pen down my innermost thoughts. So, it’s a toss between writing about the weather or choosing harmless topics which don't give away too much about myself.

Disclaimer: I write for myself, not for bouquets or brickbats. Neither do I pretend to be a pseudointellectual.And this blog is certainly not an invitation to all the wannabe quacks to analyze me or my writings.

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